I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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