im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
