Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize