I'm eating all of the evidence.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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