The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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