I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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