4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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