He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
