This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
