I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
