That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
