eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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