so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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