I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
