some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
