I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
