Don't you send me to vm
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
