Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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