you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
