Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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