sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
