last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize