So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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