If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
