The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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