it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
