she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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