Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
