I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You can't just leave with hair like that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
