there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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