So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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