Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
