I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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