I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
