the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
