I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
