oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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