Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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