I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
