i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
