I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
