Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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