Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
