omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
