What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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