Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ladies don't puke and tell
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
