Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
