apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
