Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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