You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
