My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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