Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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