Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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