Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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