im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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