I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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