I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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