yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize