I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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