I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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