Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
