margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My bed smells like the plague
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