So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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