I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
