is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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