I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
