I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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