I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can you bring me the toilet please
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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