why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
