First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
