Apparently you make a good broom.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
