I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
