If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize