Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
