the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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