My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
