i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
