You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
