I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
