I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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