3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
