wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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