i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize