Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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