I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
