he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
