Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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