Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
