If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
