You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize