Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
