yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
