Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
