dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
