it wasn't lemon gatorade
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
