Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
