There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
