I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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